Sometimes things just feel too big.
Maybe it’s the massive amount of student loan debt you have. Or that horrible feeling that you’re not where you want to be. Or it’s your mortgage. Or it’s your lost job or your car blowing out and no way to get to work. Maybe it’s no health insurance.
Maybe it’s not being able to have children. Or having them but feeling as though you’re doing it wrong, as if you were the worst parent in the history of parents. You worry that you indulge them too much; or worse, you always criticize. Or maybe it’s your parents, the knowledge that they’re getting older and more set in their ways and they’re losing their abilities to reason and it’s driving you insane with wanting the old days back.
Maybe it’s having that addiction, or that obsession. You can’t stop. Or maybe you feel awful because that guy you liked didn’t call you back, or that girl wasn’t the girl you thought she was; and you feel like you will never be enough for anyone.
It’s too big.
And you know about God, you know about His promises and what He can do. You realize and remember that He’s helped you in the past, but now you’ve done it. You’ve done that one thing, the biggest of all the things. The one thing you think God can’t handle — or worse, the one thing you think God doesn’t want to handle. Because it’s too big.
It’s such a lie. You know? Such a lie. Because our thoughts trick us into thinking that there could ever be such a thing.
I think about Joshua, the next man up after Moses to get God’s folks into that Promised Land. It still takes a fight to get to, even after all that walking, and what was Joshua thinking? Maybe that it was too big. That Moses could’ve done it, but now he’s dead; and that it’s too big for him. But it wasn’t too big for God. And so God tells Joshua:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
I think about the Apostles hiding like little kids under the bed in that Upper Room after Jesus was gone. They put their entire lives into something they thought was the real thing, and in this moment, in those days, they thought that it had disappeared. And I think about Jesus knowing that ahead of time, and telling them then so they’d remember now:
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
And I think about David, that brokenhearted poet who was a man after God’s own heart, even when he was mired in his sinfulness the way people are blinded in sandstorms; and the Psalmists who made up the rest of that book, how scared they must have been. They thought their wars were too big; their adulteries were too big; their desires and their fears were too big.
But they tried to trust; they tried so hard:
When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.
Maybe I’ll try today, to trust. Just today. And you’ll try too, and just for today; and even if we fail, we’ll try again tomorrow. And when we do that, when we trust that although things feel like they’re too big for us, that’s okay and it doesn’t matter — because we’ll remember that they’re not too big for God.